Category Archives: Humor

An Occasionally Grim Fairy Tale

Desiderata

by Ann M. Noser

AnPrince Bane Baronne has baby fever. He's in search of a wife with the proper mystical bloodline to bear him the heir of prophecy. Anna Leon is chosen, but Bane only pretends to be Prince Charming. When Anna questions his intentions, she vanishes from the castle.

Convinced she's to blame for her younger sister's disappearance, Maria Leon is coerced into the royal marriage instead. She's older, wiser, and should know better—but Bane always gets what he wants. And he's not above using trickery or treachery to do so.

Maria attempts to salvage what she can of a "happily ever after" by working hard to be the best mother and wife. Until the day she learns that every woman who has married into the Baronne line disappears soon after they've produced an heir.

And she's next in line.

Publisher

Published by: Fantasy Works Publishing

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About the Author

My to-do list dictates that I try to cram 48 hours of living into a day instead of the usual 24. I’ve chosen a life filled with animals. I train for marathons with my dog, then go to work as a small animal veterinarian, and finish the day by tripping over my pets as I attempt to convince my two unruly children that YES, it really IS time for bed. But I can’t wait until the house is quiet to write; I have to steal moments throughout the day. Ten minutes here, a half hour there, I live within my imagination.

Like all busy American mothers, I multi-task. I work out plot holes during runs. Instead of meditating, I type madly during yoga stretches. I find inspiration in everyday things: a beautiful smile, a heartbreaking song, or a newspaper article on a political theory. For example, a long drive in the dark listening to an NPR program on the SMILEY FACE MURDERS theory made me ask so many questions that I wrote HOW TO DATE DEAD GUYS to answer them to my satisfaction.

I’d love to have more time to write (and run, read, and sleep), but until I find Hermione Granger’s time turner, I will juggle real life with the half-written stories in my head. Main characters and plot lines intertwine in my cranium, and I need to let my writing weave the tales on paper so I can find out what happens next.

Girls in Ice Houses

by Linda Morganstein

GirlsMaxie Wolfe is on track to becoming the most notorious female paparazzo of all time, a dubious goal that reflects her flight from the past. One scorching summer night, outside the Bad Mama Supper Club on Sunset Boulevard, Maxie scuffles with Fisher Jacobs, a celebrity female sports agent. They're both arrested and sentenced to anger-management classes. Things go from bad to worse for the pair in Hollywood, until they flee to Fisher's family in Minnesota.

In the heartland, Maxie begins to bond with the Jacobs family and to use her suppressed talent to take photos that aren't ugly celebrity exposes. While in Minnesota, she begins to uncover secrets about the Jacobs family. Secrets that could destroy them.

Girls in Ice Houses is a thoughtful yet humorous exploration of complex family dynamics, the nature of art and creativity, and the relationship of comedy and tragedy in a tentative world.

Publisher

Published by: Regal Crest Enterprises

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About the Author

Linda Morganstein is an award-winning, overeducated writer of who also happens to be the product of a Borscht Belt childhood in the Jewish hotels of the Catskills. In the seventies, she dropped out of Vassar College and drove a VW van to California, where she lived in Sonoma County for many years. Later, she studied with Jane Smiley in Iowa. She currently resides in Saint Paul, Minnesota with her understanding spouse Melanie and her exceptional dog, Courage. In addition to writing, Linda is avid golfer and sourdough bread-baker. In short, she has a phobia for boredom. Due to her Borscht Belt background, she has a distinct interest in humor as an antidote to the complications of life. This includes an arsenal of jokes supplied by her late father, a master comedian.

Flesh Eating Zombies and Evil Ex-Girlfriends

by Rachel Schieffelbein

FleshErwin is in hell--- Locked in his high school with his ex-girlfriend, her new pain-in-the-ass boyfriend, and a handful of others while zombies claw at the doors trying to fight their way in.

The bright light in the dark is Sylvia, whose strength helps hold Erwin together when everything is falling apart.

When they realize the school is no longer safe, Erwin is determined to keep the group together and get them all to safety. But he can’t save everyone.

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About the Author

Rachel grew up in a tiny town in Minnesota. She still lives there, with her husband and their four kids. She coaches high school speech and theater, rides Arabian horses, reads as much as she can, and writes stories.

A Shark at the Park

by Mike Kalmbach and Alexander Kalmbach
Illustrated by Nicole Cardiff

AA timeless story about the special relationship between father and son. This story will be enjoyed by fans of Love You Forever by Robert Munsch and Llama Llama Red Pajama by Anna Dewdney.

Follow one boy, his dad, and a host of animals as they encounter A SHARK AT THE PARK.

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About the Authors

Mike Kalmbach grew up in a forest near Lake Michigan. Spending his summers chasing wizards and fighting battles with evil ogres, Mike has always had a creative mind. He'll often share stories from his past, and some of them are even true.

After time dragged him from childhood, Mike moved into freelance editing, helping other authors improve dozens of stories. During the daylight hours, he writes software to help with genetics research. He leads the Rochester MN Writing group and often speaks on topics from writing and editing to engineering and robotics.

Luckily, Mike now has two sons, so he has plenty of excuses to set down the pen and play. He lives in Minnesota where he, his family, and a band of pirates can still be found battling ogres, dust bunnies, and even the occasional dragon.

Alexander Kalmbach was just two years old when he helped write his first book, A Shark at the Park. He has inherited his dad’s creativity and sense of humor (sorry world!). He spends his days fighting fires, busting ghosts, and chasing sharks away from the park.

About the Illustrator

Nicole Cardiff is an American artist currently living in Los Angeles, California. She graduated from the Savannah College of Art and Design with BFA in illustration. Nicole has been honored by the ImagineFX Magazine as a Rising Star and featured artist under 25. She works as a freelance artist and her works have mainly fantasy themes.

How to Date Dead Guys

The Witches Handbook #1

by Ann M. Noser

HowQuiet college sophomore Emma Roberts remembers her mother’s sage advice: “don’t sleep around, don’t burp in public, and don’t tell anyone you see ghosts”. But when cute Mike Carlson drowns in the campus river under her watch, Emma’s sheltered life shatters.

Blamed for Mike’s death and haunted by nightmares, Emma turns to witchcraft and a mysterious Book of Shadows to bring him back. Under a Blood Moon, she lights candles, draws a pentacle on the campus bridge, and casts a spell. The invoked river rages up against her, but she escapes its fury. As she stumbles back to the dorm, a stranger drags himself from the water and follows her home.

Instead of raising Mike, Emma assists the others she stole back from the dead—a pre-med student who jumped off the bridge, a young father determined to solve his own murder, and a frat boy Emma can’t stand…at first. More comfortable with the dead than the living, Emma delves deeper into the seductive Book of Shadows. Her powers grow, but witchcraft may not be enough to protect her against the vengeful river and the killers that feed it their victims.

Publisher

Published by: Curiosity Quills

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About the Author

My to-do list dictates that I try to cram 48 hours of living into a day instead of the usual 24. I’ve chosen a life filled with animals. I train for marathons with my dog, then go to work as a small animal veterinarian, and finish the day by tripping over my pets as I attempt to convince my two unruly children that YES, it really IS time for bed. But I can’t wait until the house is quiet to write; I have to steal moments throughout the day. Ten minutes here, a half hour there, I live within my imagination.

Like all busy American mothers, I multi-task. I work out plot holes during runs. Instead of meditating, I type madly during yoga stretches. I find inspiration in everyday things: a beautiful smile, a heartbreaking song, or a newspaper article on a political theory. For example, a long drive in the dark listening to an NPR program on the SMILEY FACE MURDERS theory made me ask so many questions that I wrote HOW TO DATE DEAD GUYS to answer them to my satisfaction.

I’d love to have more time to write (and run, read, and sleep), but until I find Hermione Granger’s time turner, I will juggle real life with the half-written stories in my head. Main characters and plot lines intertwine in my cranium, and I need to let my writing weave the tales on paper so I can find out what happens next.

Dealer’s Choice

by Joan Sween

Dealer'sSee the world of antiques dealing and collecting from the standpoint of a happy-go-lucky dealer who manages to get herself into ridiculously comic situations--from accidentally setting off the burglar alarm at the mall to creating uproars at outdoor flea markets to fleeing from irate vendors at antiques shows. And always being rescued by her long-suffering husband, known as TMIM--The Man I Married. Joan Sween is a novelist, playwright, and humorist. She is also an antiques dealer who sees the funny side of the business. For eight years she has written the humor column for Minnesota's antiques newspaper, "The Old Times." This book is a collection of 50 columns from the first years. --like antiques, they increase in value as the years go by.

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About the Author

For 11 years Joan has written humor columns for Minnesota’s state-wide antiques newspaper, The Old Times. Her books, Nice Girls Don’t Bite, Deathblow, and Dealer’s Choice can be found on Amazon.com. Some of her 20 plays can be found at Eldridge Plays and Musicals. She is currently seeking a theatre that will produce her latest play, The First Woman, which deals with the defense of Mary Surratt, the first woman executed by the U.S. Government for her participation in the conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln.

Nice Girls Don’t Bite

by Joan Sween

NiceWhen "Transylvania Nasty" collides with "Minnesota Nice" the outcome is hilarious. Erleen and Louise, antiques dealers from the land of Garrison Keillor, come back from a buying trip to Romania to discover they got more than they bargained for. "We can't be vampires! There's no such thing as vampires!" "I absolutely refuse to go all crazy and look mean and bite people!" "How are we supposed to put on makeup if we can't see ourselves in mirrors?" After the first shock, they begin to cope like sensible down-to-earth Minnesotans, vowing to lead normal lives, never reveal what they are, and never ever to bite anyone. Then they stumble onto a bank robbery, a murder, and a kidnapping. Attempting to free their kidnapped friends, they confront a Norwegian crime lord whose Colombian partners decide they are witches—"Brujas! Brujas! But after putting ineffectual bullets through the ladies, the Colombians change their minds—"Vampiro!" Reluctantly, Erleen and Louise realize they must behave like "real" vampires in order to put a stop to an international drug ring. Which they do—but without biting anyone.

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Nice Girls Don't Bite is available from:

Not ready to purchase?
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About the Author

For 11 years Joan has written humor columns for Minnesota’s state-wide antiques newspaper, The Old Times. Her books, Nice Girls Don’t Bite, Deathblow, and Dealer’s Choice can be found on Amazon.com. Some of her 20 plays can be found at Eldridge Plays and Musicals. She is currently seeking a theatre that will produce her latest play, The First Woman, which deals with the defense of Mary Surratt, the first woman executed by the U.S. Government for her participation in the conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln.

Revenge of the Dust Bunnies

by Mike Kalmbach

RevengeBook 1 of the Spooky Snacks series. "Scary short stories with a silly twist!"

Best for 4th-6th grade students. Perfect bedtime read for fans of Goosebumps!

40 pages
Paperback: 5 B&W illustrations and 2 games
Ebook: 5 full-color illustrations

Don't clean your room!

Dust always seems to collect in strange places: on your dresser, behind the TV, and under your bed.

It's not random. There's something sinister going on. A hidden group is behind this.

And they have a plan.

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Revenge of the Dust Bunnies is available from:

Not ready to purchase?
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About the Author

Mike Kalmbach grew up in a forest near Lake Michigan. Spending his summers chasing wizards and fighting battles with evil ogres, Mike has always had a creative mind. He'll often share stories from his past, and some of them are even true.

After time dragged him from childhood, Mike moved into freelance editing, helping other authors improve dozens of stories. During the daylight hours, he writes software to help with genetics research. He leads the Rochester MN Writing group and often speaks on topics from writing and editing to engineering and robotics.

Luckily, Mike now has two sons, so he has plenty of excuses to set down the pen and play. He lives in Minnesota where he, his family, and a band of pirates can still be found battling ogres, dust bunnies, and even the occasional dragon.